There's no place like home...

Within the world of someone with dementia, they always want to go home. For most and my mother, they are home, but telling them that, most will not agree. Now I am learning for them, it may not mean a physical home. If you ask them where's home, often times they can't tell you.

For the past 2 weeks, every night I hear "I want to go home". I am suppose to redirect her with something like, "well, we will stay here tonight" and " lets see what happens tomorrow". For her, it doesn't work and depending on how tired her mind is, she would have a mental breakdown.  Trust me, it is not for the weak. I learned for my sanity, is to just go into another room and 90% of the time, it doesn't  work.

But now we're into our 3rd week and I believe the higher dose of medication is kicking in. The days are filled with a lot less sundowning affect, but one thing has changed, instead of her saying, "I want to go home", she is asking "are you taking me home". Am I happy? Somewhat, but there are still other behaviors still present and I know that it will always be, just don't know how intense and how long it will last. When I say "last", I mean in hours!

Now I know when she says "home", she is talking about a physical place. I believe it is my house, because she ask is she is staying here at my house.  My prayer now is that she goes to bed at a decent hour every night!!

This is truly a one day at a time life...

Transparent Moment:

With dementia, you have to change your way of thinking to be able to handle the changes going on in your love  ones brain. Trust me, this is the hardest thing to do, especially for me who has no patience, but I'm working on it!

Live & Learn...

Stop Flipping That Switch!...

There are those who can turn their emotions on and off just like a switch, and depends on how you view it, it can be a good thing for that person.  But in my mother's case, it's not a good thing and it sneak up on you too.

Yesterday was somewhat of a good day, all systems was mild and comfortable, that I can deal with whatever came my way, but today.....even I didn't know if I was coming or going. I wanted to leave so bad, but I knew that I couldn't do that.

Last night didn't end the best, a lot of confusion and anxiety just before going to bed, and this morning was the continuation of last night and it pretty much didn't let up. The thing is, it hit me when I wasn't ready, I just got ip from a good night sleep, so I couldn't adjust fast enough and I became frustrated and angry! Yes, I yelled at my mother and I pray she and the Lord will forgive.

They tell me it will happen, me losing it, because this disease is so unpredictable. You truly don't know what's going to happen each day. A few weeks ago, I had another day like today, but more intense (if that's possible), and she was doing things that, well let's just say, she was making things comfortable for people that she could see, and I couldn't see.  She finally ran out of stream around 2am the next morning.  By the way, my mother is 93. 

I pray the higher dose of one of her medication will calm her back down, where it is more manageable for me. This disease has no cure, but they can treat the symptoms, for as long as their minds will allow.

We must take care of our mental health. Keep stress as low as possible, refrain from worrying about every little thing, but yet exercise our minds in a good way, by keeping it active and well rested.

The mind is a terrible thing to waste...

12 hours, that's all...

Back in the day I could sleep 10, 12, 15 hours with no problem. But now I'm barely getting 7 hours of sleep at night. Dementia is kicking my a** I really mean that. The things I've been going through with it because of my mom, is because she has it, and it's too much. It's too much for one person. I will admit when the doctor change when she should take one of her medications, everything's been cool. Actually it has been cool for a month. The confusion and today, this is cruel and unusual punishment. I should call child services. hallucinations has been low.

This past week we had some rough moments,  but last night was the worst. You see her sleeping pattern has been off this week. When she gets 10 - 12 hours of sleep, things are milder, but less then that, or more then that, the day doesn't start well. The day is pretty much in sundowning mode, with last night being the worst.

She has a somewhat of a normal time she would go to bed, but that's been hit and miss. But I didn't trip and while working on some crafting items., of course she falls asleep in her recliner. I let her sleep for a bit, then woke her at 8pm to get her to bed. That was the beginning of everything spiraling out of control. From that point on, all types of craziness happen. It took 5 1/2 hours to get her into bed. I was so tired and I managed to get 4 hours of sleep, but I am still tired.

She is not herself this morning and need more sleep also. My prayer is that she goes to bed at a decent time tonight. I wish I had a video of everything that took place last night. I did however recorded when she made up a bed for imaginary children. 

I'm a crafter and do things to help me relax after a long day of caregiving.  Well, she interrupted that, by fusing and complaining about my things being out. If you are like me, you don't like people touching your stuff, and she was doing way to much in that area. So instead of relaxing, I was trying to remain calm. That is the hardest thing to do, because they become young children when Dementia is a part of their life and very aggressive too.  I know talking to her in a calm voice is the best way to get through to her, but my mother is different now, she tend to argue and pick at me, which is totally out of character for her. I find myself walking away and going outside, in order not to disrespect her. Yes, I have failed a lot of times also.

Being a caregiver for someone with dementia is so hard to do. They will go through so much mentally, that you won't know if you're coming or going, that's pretty much everyday. You don't know if you will be fighting or relaxing each day. I don't want to have burnout like so many caregiving for a love one, so I need my crafting down time to keep me sane!

Need all that sleep...

Something is happening...

This illness will have you seeing all types of doctors. We recently saw a neurologist, and I knew they take care of the brain and knows how it functions and so forth. While discussing mother, I learned one of her medications they like to give it to them at night. Why? Because they want them to sleep all night, and I am all for that! Actually, resting is the best thing for them too.

One of the side affects is hallucinations with that particular medications.  I was giving it to her at noon, and let me tell you, sundowning is no joke and mother already has hallucinations, well I felt it did nothing to calm them, but made them worst. So once I started giving it to her at night, the level was lower with the hallucinations.  I wish they would just go away, but unfortunately, it is a part of the disease.

For one week of her taking this medicine at bedtime, I am sleeping better and feel more relaxed until these last two days. I guess she's making up for the little hallucinations she had this past week. Nothing I say is satisfying to her. Once again, I am wrong about everything. I have to do my best to calm myself so that I don't yell, because loud noises is not good for them either. Yes, it is just like dealing with a child when she is sundowning heavily.

However, the week of it all being mild and going to bed at a decent hour, I would love for it to stay that way, but the reality is, it won't.  No one should have to live with this debilitating disease. The type that has no cure and will eventually end their life. My prayer is that my mother doesn't leave her, not knowing who I am. But what I am experiencing with her now, I'm afraid that she won't. So I will leave it in God's hand.

Every little bit helps....