On repeat...

If I could change the channel, trust me I would! With repeat on TV, actually reruns, they are entertaining, but reruns with Dementia is not entertaining at all. Who wants to hear, "I want to go home" everyday or you being told you are wrong everyday  when your memory is not the one that has been compromised.

Recently, mother has been sundowning more and more everyday. And one day it started first thing in the morning and stopped when she went to bed. It was a very exhausting day for the both of us, but at a certain time it hit me, "full moon".  Yes I looked it up and it was a full moon that day!

Not sure why things get more intense with them during a full moon, but I need to find a way to lessen the sundowning (if that is possible) so that our day can be a bit calmer. The stress of care giving is getting too me now and I need my outlets more and more everyday. I am learning that I can't allow the stress of this to consume me. I need to calm and exercise my mind now.

I am learning a lot about my mother since moving back home, and she has carried a lot of anger, which turned into stress and worry for 60 plus years. I can not let that be my reality for the rest of my life.  So since I am doing this alone, I need to make sure I have things in place to be able to decompress. Beside, I need to be mentally healthy for us both.

Such a crazy life...

I made a mistake...

Awhile back, I told myself and my mother, that I will tell her when her appointments are on the day of it. Recently I didn't do that and the repercussion were catastrophic! 

It was early afternoon when I mention the appointment for the next day, and she needed to know what time. Of course it was late morning, so we can get up at our normal times that morning. However, she went to preparing mode and it was no stopping her. She stress, panic, worried, fear and so many more emotions.

So we (yes she made it hard for me to sleep too) didn't get much sleep that night. Although she wasn't recognizing me, she went with me to her appointment. Yes, was extremely tired, but I could not get her to nap when she had finally settled down. Of course, sundowning showed up that night and it took a while to get her to go to bed. 

The thing about a traumatic experience like that, it that several days for her brain to get back align where she is somewhat normal. But the following weeks, other things happen and the sundowning was becoming intense everyday. Now, it's getting harder for me to make a trip to the store and other places. The length of time can only be an hour, before her mind goes into worry mode. 

The bottom line is, wait until the day of her appointment to let her know. All appointments will be late morning if possible!

No such thing as relax...

Had a good day...

We had one good day without experiencing sundowning. I know I wouldn't wish this disease on anyone, not even an enemy. But this sundowning is starting to get on my last nerve!

One morning, we didn't start off on the right foot and I needed to walk away and pray. As I walked into another room, my pastor called to see how we were doing. Let me tell you, God is truly watching us and He knew I needed someone to pray for me at that moment.

In saying that, He knows what our love ones need and He places us there for them, even when we have no clue of what we're doing. We are all imperfect. Yes, there is help out there and most can not afford it or qualify for the help. There always seem to be something attached to what appears to be free, that you won't be able to qualify for.

This week has not been that bad so far. Am I irritated at times, yes and I got to deal with my impatientness. There are so many out there trying to tell you how to handle your love one, but guess what, each one is different.  My mother, although was married, but was very independent, strong willed, worried and stress too much over the years, and it is even stronger now with dementia. So I am at a loss, and I guess that is why I make so many mistakes with her.

Waiting for a change...