Here we go...

First, Happy New Year to you all! Life with mom is starting to get back to her baseline of normalcy. Now I know, I must brace myself for the aftermath of fireworks and shooting guns to celebrate a holiday, do to my mother.

You would not believe the level of confusion that started at 12:30 am new year's eve!! I handle it the best way I could in a calm voice, but how I wish I could find a way to silence the noise for her And it's just about that night, it alter how her brain process situations and it will be days before it changes back.

Today, almost a week later and still having issues. Granted it's not as bad, but somethings are irritating and I am still working on how I react to the state she is in. The one thing I got to remind myself, that it is the disease and not her that has her behaving and thinking the way she does.

Although she is going through major changes, I am going through them too and more. I am doing my very best to keep a level head and maintain my level of sanity! I see where so many Caregivers are going through it mentality with their love ones, and I won't lie, I was too at the very beginning of this journey. I am better, but there are moments where I could just scream and trust me, I have done that. People tell me it will happen and that's okay, but I will feel bad too. Now when I do lose it, I apologize to her later once her mind has calm down. I also ask God for forgiveness too.

That may sound crazy to some, but it's about peace of mind and besides, she's my mother and yelling at her is so disrespectful, but I can't allow this disease to make me crazy too and most of all, disrespect my mother. She needs me in so many different ways. So my prayer is that she get back to a base where it is less stressful for the both of us.

Happy New Year!...

What are you doing New Year's Eve...

I have lost touch with so many over the course of my work life. Now living and take care of my mother, how is it possible I have lost even more. What's crazier is that those who knows my situation, will ask "what did you do for the holidays" or "got plans for new years eve?". I hate looking at them crazy or wanting to say what is really on my mind. But why do people assume you can just stop what your doing to have fun when your a caregiver?

It is then when you realize how insensitive people are to others situations. I don't like embarrassing myself, so I try my best not too, and I have had my moments of embarrassment,  and trust me, I feel so bad afterwards.  But I do try to keep up with others situations and encourage the best I can. Right now, I am finally getting my pray life back and I add others to it, when I know their situation.

So this new year's eve will be different. I normally go to a watch night service at my church, but tonight will be the first time I won't be attending.  My mother is in bed around 7:30pm, and she needs to have a routine and structure. Trust me, there are those who tell me to "go out" when she's asleep. I know, that sounds like a good idea, but I know for me, that would be the time she either won't go to bed or wake-up while I am gone. I do not want to think about how that would affect her waking up and I'm not there.

Right now my fear is, people shooting off fireworks and guns while she is asleep and waking her up. I remember the 4th of July, the fireworks were right outside her window and it scared her out of her sleep so bad that she believe someone was trying to kill her. I cried that night trying to calm her down. We didn't get back to bed until 3am!  Trust me, I will be praying tonight for her peace of mind and for mine too.

So I pray the coming year, will be better then this year, more calmer and healthier and I pray that you all have a safe new year, and that blessings will be plentiful throughout 2026!

Happy New Year!...

The 4th of July...

Before the dementia diagnosis, my mom was already scared of thunder storms and fireworks, more so as she got older. And now around 3:30am, somebody decided to fire off some fireworks that sounded like we were under attack, and it hurt my heart to hear my mother crying and calling for someone to come help her. She thought someone was shooting at her 😭 Then a few hours later, a thunderstorm came though.

Trust me, I am extremely tired and praying she will take a long nap.  But I really would like to know,  what goes on in these people minds, that fire off these things early in the morning and pretty much all day long! Grant it, I know they aren't aware of what I have to deal with, and if they knew, they wouldn't care.

Sad that people now days have no respect for people or life, and especially for those who are sick.  To hear the fear in her voice was so unnerving for me and trying to calm her wasn't too difficult. But none of this should have happened in the first place.

Yes, fireworks are illegal in the city, and has been for years, but they don't do anything about it. I am already thinking about New Years eve and how crazy that gets. I now know I have to prepare for a long night and I'm thankful it is during the week and not the weekend.

So now, I am praying the she will sleep through the madness tonight. There has been firecrackers going off, off and on today.  She has been pacing back and forth and she decided to take a nap on her own. So that is a step in the right direction.   But you know what's really crazy, these people actually shoot off fireworks year round!! And mother would always ask, "what was that?". It's like every little sound scares her.  And let's not mention cars/trucks with extremely loud music (if you want to call it that) driving through or parked or someone playing it loud from their property. 

When will the madness end...