3 o'clock in the morning...

Actually it is now 4:30 am, and all I am doing is tossing and turning, trying to go back to sleep. My mother got up around 3 AM to go to the bathroom. When she came out of the bathroom, I heard her going down the stairs, so I got up to find out where she was going. She told me she was going to find a way to get home. All she had on was her robe and carrying her canvas bag. Once I had her back in her bedroom, I found out she had packed clothes inside her canvas bag.

I told her what time it was and that she needed to go back to bed. The thing is, she did not recognize that it was dark in the house. Yes she had her lamp on and the bathroom light on too. I put motion sensor lights along the stairs, but not realize it was still dark, let me know she was either sleep walking or continuing what she was dreaming.  This is the second time in almost 2 weeks, and it's been almost a month since it last happen.

I blame this on a friend of mine, who asked me if she had gotten up in the middle of the night. I say that, for I truly believe there is power in the tongue. Proverbs 18:21, (MSG) "Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose". I believe we have to be careful of what we speak out loud into the atmosphere. Satan is always listening and waiting  to mess up our life with our own words. So, she mention it, and two nights later, it happen which by the way, it was a Sunday morning, when I needed my sleep.

I already have a full plate with trying to pack up my things to move them here with her, but not getting enough rest isn't good for either of us. I did get her back in bed, but for me, I pray she will nap this afternoon, so that I can get a bit of sleep.

People just don't realize what we go through as caregivers to our love ones. I just knew other family members would help and give me a break from time to time, but I quickly learned, that is not the case. I also learned that this is a common thing. Not only the lack of help, but the isolation is painful, not just for the caregiver but more so for the one who is going through with Dementia.

It hurts to hear my mother ask me, "where is everybody?", or "has anybody called today?". I for one shouldn't have to ask grown people to spend time with her or at least call her. I don't want to believe they just don't care, but I truly believe that they don't!

For now, I need her to get those naps in, and I hope everyday. I know there will be times that it won't happen, but I got to make sure she doesn't go to long without one. I need my rest too!

It is now 5:59am...

What's it all about...

There are many different forms of Dementia and my mother has Lewy Body with Parkinson. No one should have to live with Dementia nor die from it, but that is the reality of it.

With Lewy Body, there is sleeping issues, hallucinations, memory problems and with the Parkinson, movement issues. Yes, she has all of that, but with some medication, it helps lowers all of the symptoms, also along with good rest.

Without being well rested at night she may have some night terrors, screaming or yelling, along with hallucinations, which often times become a problem, especially in the mornings.

When she does not recognize me in the mornings or any other time during the day, she will not leave the house or go with me anywhere. The worst part is when she search the house looking for me, the anxiety kicks in and no amount of talking will calm her down. This is one of the reason why sleep is so important to those with Lewy Body.

However the Parkinson is affecting her movement as in walking, posture and balance.

Now that I been back home with her, I am learning so much of what she is going through within her mind, fear, worry, anxiety and stress. All this would affect your mind too. One thing for sure, lewy body makes the phrase "out of sight, out of mind", a true reality!

Everyday is different...
Some days are calm
Some days are chaotic
Some days are normal
Some days are shared with hallucinations
Some days are a roller-coaster ride

But we're here and I am still learning how to move within those days. Did I want to just leave and not come back? Yes!!! Would I actually leave? No!!! God said, "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee." I have done this all my life and will continue doing so.

So this morning, she greeted me with a smile, kiss and hug. I needed more mornings like this, and I asked God for more! 💞

Life be Lifin...