I'm a Caregiver...

Years ago, I was asked to help care for a gentleman, as in finding him doctors, taking him to appointments and handling his medication. Pretty simple right? Yes it was, because it wasn't an everyday situation.  I still had a life and pretty much do what I wanted to do, and go.

However, today care situation is more intense and it's for my mother. Never would I have thought, my mother last days (God knows how long it will be) would be filled with memory issues, confusion, hallucinations, anxiety and more. I keep asking myself, did I missed signs of Dementia in her years ago? I saw things that I thought was happening just because she was getting older. Now I am learning she was having memory issues at least 10 years ago.

I often wonder, if I had known what was going on with her, would things be different now? Could it been reversed? Knowing what I know now, we might have been able to slow the process down, but it's not reversible.

I am always going to be there for my mother, but I don't know for how long by myself. Each day is different.  One day she is her old self and the next day hallucinations will come for a visit, not know for how long it plan to stay. Those are the days that get to me the most. There are those moments when my sweet, kind mother, becomes mean and angry, a side of her I have never seen in my life time. But I know it is the illness, and yet it tears me up every time.

Patiences is the key and thick skin, and that i have never been. I can be at times when that side comes out, and other times it gets the best of me and I push back. Yes, I know it's wrong, but I am learning too.  There is a different type of strength I need and I need God to help me with that, and I pray He send what I need to get through this journey!

My mother...My heart