What you see, is what you get...

It's starting to seem that Sundays is the day that's like a box of chocolate.  I really don't know what is going to happen with my mother.  Starts off good, but once she watches the church service live on YouTube, that is when you don't know what you're going to get afterwards.

I knew what happens when my brother and a  family friend stays with her, but I thought it would be different with me being with her today. Guess I was wrong! When she watches the church service on YouTube, I guess she thinks she is there. So when it is over, she believe it is time for us to go home. I do let her know she is at home, but not in her mind.

So I decided to go out and get the 8 inches of snow off my car, in order to change the subject. It worked for a bit, then she felt I been out there to long, got nervous and her anxiety kicked in, and guess who was yelling for me to come inside....🤦🏾‍♀️ The same thing happen when I was on the upper porch moving that snow off of it too.

They tell us to redirect them when these things happen, so I suggested a movie to watch, and she doesn't watch them, but she liked my suggestion, so we watched War Room. I was surprised when she clapped at the end of the movie. But right after, we were back to wanting to go home again! I can't win for losing.

My new reality is getting up each morning, not knowing what to expect when "she" gets up. It is so hard to prepare and I guess I truly can not anymore. Because the person who goes to bed at night, may not be the same person that wakes up the next day!!

Dementia sucks...

Turn off the lights...

With a day full of laughter and light conversation, I sometimes hate to see the night coming. Yes, she still goes through sundowning, and most times it isn't that bad. Last night it was rough, but I thank God it didn't last long, just a little over an hour.

I think about asking my doctor if I should start taking some type of vitamin for brain health. I am working hard not to let what my mother is going through to affect me. I've seen to many Caregivers post about being depressed and isolated from the world. There are those who feel like they are losing their minds, and I don't want to feel that way.

Granted, I don't get to do much, and then again I haven't done to much of anything before my mother's diagnosis. Anytime I would go somewhere or think about going somewhere, she would start to worrying to the point that I would change my mind and not go. It was so bad, that when I did go, she wouldn't go to bed until she knew I was back home safe. I can understand the worrying if I was like in my 20's, but this was happening up until I started staying with her...and I will be 66 next month!!! The real breaking point for me was when I was at a game night with people we both knew. At 9:30pm, my phone rang and I panic a bit, because it was my mother. She was calling to see if I was at home yet! Trust me, they teased the mess out of me after that call.

So now, although I am with her, there are moments that she sees me as someone else and won't go to bed until I come home. It happens during the day too, and I then have to figure out how to get her to see me again. Trying to move differently now is a challenge and lying 75% of the time is not me. Granted we all lie here and there,  but now, it is like a requirement!

Come on morning...