Over thinking....

Today, I wish I could have gotten my mother to stop overthinking all the time. I know worry and fear is the driving force, but now with dementia, it is amped up so much that there is no way of calming her down.

During sundowning she told me how she see all her things here,  but doesn't know how it got here. Yes we are at home, but during sundowning,  she doesn't recognizes that she is home. But she explain to me that my grandparents (my father parents) home, was home. See early on in the journey, I drove her to where she thought she lived, and she took me right to my grandparents old home. Growing up, we did spend a lot of time there and they didn't live far from us. My grandparents loved my mother and treated her as if she was their natural daughter. So I get why during these moment she believes that's home.

It's something how the mind is all over the place during sundowning.  So many twist and turns, confusion, agitation and so many more. They tell me how I need to meet her where she is in the moment. That is so hard to do, because with one wrong word/action will send her into a emotional spinal! The overthinking doesn't help either. While writing this, she is upset about people at some house, not knowing when we will be over there tonight. Guess what? She has no clue who those people are. So why would you want to go somewhere to stay with people you don't know?

There is no sense of common sense when in sundowning and overthinking makes it worst. The one thing that will calm her mind is sleep. But how do you get someone to nap, when they didn't sleep well the night before? Unfortunately, she doesn't recognize when she is tired either.

Need calmness in life...

Porch Therapy....

I am truly going to miss sitting out on the porch every day once the cooler fall and winter days sets in. This porch has kept me from losing myself when things got rough with my mom, yet it brought calm to me, knowing that God makes no mistakes. He knew I needed to be back home to be with and help my mother in this final stages of life. I do not know the day, nor the hour, but I am going to do my best to take care of her, each and every day!

Caring for someone not related to you is a bit easier, at least that is how I feel. I semi cared for someone other then family, so when my time was up, I went home. But for your parent and you have to move back home, there is no leaving for the day. That is where the front porch come in for me. It was like going away to another place other then inside the house.

Being out there, it gives me a chance to reflect on what brought me out there most times. I ask God to forgive me for my reactions a lot of time or thank Him for whispering in my ear to "go outside". And what happen to cause me to retreat there....mother in a confused and agitated state!  It used to bother me when she cried or yell, and my reaction to it was not good at all. That is when sitting on the porch helped me to calm my spirit, so that I don't say the wrong thing to my mother.

Dementia will test your character in so many ways. That is why we need an outlet at all cause. I now have to think about other outlets more, since fall and winter is upon us. There maybe days warm enough to step outside or even sit in my car.  Us who don't have help, often have to create outlets. Our mental health is being stretch being caregivers. It's not our love one's fault, but when you are not properly trained to care for individuals with Dementia, it become a very stressful life.

Yes, my porch gives me peace that my mind and body needs every day!

My happy place...