A change is gonna come...

At least that is what I'm praying for. As I mention it has not been good these past 2 and half months. It could be the disease is progressing or the lack of sleep and rest. Today has me believing it is the lack of sleep. Once again she didn't sleep well and did not recognize me when she came downstairs. Let me explain, she has Lewy Body Dementia and one of the symptoms that come with it is hallucinations.

This is the part I do not handle well. She looks at me and see a different person and when she ask where I am, it's like someone stabbed me in the heart with a knife! They tell me I need to "go with it", but I am not strong enough to do that. I get very emotional as soon as it happen. What really get to me is the fact that she thinks these people are real!

I'm trying the best I can to live in her moments, but I am not good at pretending I see what she sees. I tend to always say the wrong thing and then everything goes south from there. Especially when it mostly happens when she's tired and her mind is seeing what it's sees. I am still in rookie season with this, and I don't want to be in this season at all. I saw my mother differently when she is in her 90's, but not with Dementia. But if there is one thing it has taught me, to take care of my brain health.

Stress and worry is the biggest killers of the mind. And now I am learning how much she has worried and still do, even when I am downstairs watching TV.  God has me here for so many reasons, and I need to stay closer to Him, more now then I have ever been.

Don't leave me Lord...