Just thinking...

I was talking with someone and they said that it seems, cancer and dementia is run rampant in this day and time. Maybe it is, or maybe we just didn't notice until it came knocking on our door. Ny mother, who is the sweetest and most caring person I know, to have to live her final days in a world of confusion, agitation, hallucination, and so much more, is not fair!

Then I had to start looking deeper. As I look back over moments of life, I come to realize, that she lived in a world of fear and worry. A lot had happened in her life, and I realize she was hiding a lot from us. I can only imagine how much of a toll it took on her mind. I know stress and worry is a big problem and it has created mental health problems for so many.

I was telling them about I am what they call a "rainbow" baby now days. And when I looked back over the years, I just thought all that allowing me to enjoy my youth, came with a cost for her, and that is worrying about me out there enjoying my youth.

Of course parents are going to worry about their children, but when the worry continues to grow as they age into adults and beyond, I now see that became a problem. To be honest, I stop living life in my 50's because of the excessive worrying my mother was doing. Sounds crazy doesn't it? And now, here I am, 65 living with my mother, because her mind has been damaged of not taking proper care of it. She allowed the constant worrying about me, my brother and my son, to put her mind into a world of chaos.

I had decided some years ago, once I realized the level of her worrying, to only share what is necessary for her to know. Because when she knows to much, she takes it on as her own and use so much energy worrying about it, when we don't worry that much about it, because we're working to work it out.

So now, we must think before we speak. If there are problems, we keep it amongst us. Right now, a close family friend, one of her best friends, has gone on to glory. But we can't tell her. Granted, she had not talked to her in months, so the dementia helps in this case, because it's like they say, "out of sight, out of mind", and I know she will remember her, if I were to mention her name. But I know her reaction to the news, send her into a state of confusion, which brings on other negative reactions.

So please, take care of your mental health. Your mind needs rest, food and water. Don't let worry and fear take over!

Live life..