No Place like Home...

My mother spent a week in the hospital.  Of course she doesn't remember what happened that put her there. To be honest, she doesn't remember being there. She only been home 3 days now, and seem to be more confused now, then before what happened to her. I just wish I could forget that day!!!

I will say, I am sleeping better since she's been home, and I didn't sleep well while she was gone. Now that is crazy, but I now realize, it was because she was in the hospital, so I could have gotten a phone call during the night. Yes, I did check my phone several times during the night too.

I am doing my best to remain calm during her sundowning moments. And there is no telling when it could start, but it can/does happens during the early part of the day too. The key is redirecting her during her confused moments and I am not good at that. First thing this morning,  I had to go sit in my car in order to not get so upset that I say the wrong thing, in the wrong way.  Often times I have to call my brother to help via phone. And I begin to stress when I can't reach him.

Now that I am going through this, my heart goes out to those who have to do it alone. I am semi alone, and most of it is totally overwhelming.  What hurt the most is when she says "I want to go home".  We are "hone" and no matter what I say, she doesn't believe me. Last night I was calm in telling her, but I still need my brother help to get her to go to bed.

Anxiety always hit me at bedtime with her. I am on pins and needles until she is actually in bed! I should not be feeling this way. I should have a better handle on this. I was giving a link to videos to help caregivers of Dementia people, and I will start watching some, that the doctor suggested on the UCLA health site for caregiver training. I must learn more about how to care for my mother. I truly do not know how long I will be able to do this, but I do need to be better equipped.

This is so cruel...