A friend from church told me, "you have to change your mindset, and remember, it's the disease and not her". Easier said then done, especially when in the down moments.
I feel like I'm on a roller-coaster all the time! Last night, it was a long drop down, that lasted 7 hours. Then I realized, my mother had been awake for 17 hours. Way to long for a 92 year old. I rarely use the word hate, but I hate this disease called Dementia and what it does to our love ones. And with my mother, she has hallucinations. So her mind never got to rest and reset during the day, so she was seeing things that was not there, along with not knowing where she was. But the worst of all of this, she wasn't seeing me!
That is why this thing is such a roller-coaster, one moment all is good, and then it's like someone flipped a switch and you are in the middle of confusion, chaos and who knows what else. I know there is no cure, but to have your love one not recognizing you is a hurtful feeling that is hard to shake.
Now I'm not sure if you are a believer as you read this, but I have never forgotten this scripture when I learned of it as a child, "If a woman whose husband has died has children or grandchildren, they are the ones to care for her. In that way, they can pay back to their parents the kindness that has been shown to them. God is pleased when this is done." 1 Timothy:5.4 (NLV)
So here I am, doing the best I can to honor both my mother and the Lord. I know I need to lean and depend on Him to help me through this, but in my head, why couldn't some prepare me first. Instead I was blindsided and thrown into this thing, without any preparation or knowledge of what it truly is. I suppose, no one is truly prepared for the ups and downs of life. I just need to learn and remember who I need to call on first in all my life situations.
Lord I need you now...
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