A Dream or Reality...

 

When this all began with my mother, I felt as if I was in a movie. Like, is this really happening and how is she really feeling at the time.  How does anyone feel with a life changing illness. And to know that she won't be coming back from this, hurts a lot!  She told me once, that she hope she goes in her sleep. I prayed that the Lord would honor that request, but I didn't want it to be because of Dementia!

In a dream, she wouldn't have Dementia. She would be living the rest of her life bowling and going to church. Me, I would probably be doing the same, but also being with friends having fun. In a dream, there wouldn't be anything holding us back from enjoying life to the fullest. Although my mother is 92, she likes to have fun and being around her family as much as she can.

However in reality, Dementia has found its way into our lives, robbing us of the fun we use to have. Robbed us of being comfortable going places, and not wanting to go to new places. Reality is, where my life should be enjoying life to the fullest, it is now taking care of my mother, the best way I know how. Thing is, I really don't know how, but I am trying.

Sadness is becoming a part of my world, especially when confusion and anxiety shows up! Like tonight, it was the worst I have seen her. God knew what was coming, because my brother called her a few minutes after it began. Of course he and his daughter (my niece) came to help.  I don't know how it would have gone, if they weren't there with me. I have to do most of the caring by myself, only because, I am the only one in the family not working.  And trust me, I know I need to be working!!

But why is this disease robbing us of our love ones? Why and how did it begin? Being here with my mother, I've learned that she worries a lot. Of course with worry comes fear and anxiety. And this has been with her my entire lifetime I am starting to learn, and it goes back way before I was born.  So my thought pattern is, have all this worrying, living with fear, anxiety and who knows what else.  Has it slowly taken a toll on her mind over the years? 

I now understand when Drew Carey on The Price Is Right, tells us to "take care of your mental health".  He's not lying and I know I am taking it to heart! Crafting is my mental break time. It helps me to shift my focus so I can relax my mind.  I thank God for redirecting me in this manner,  because if He hadn't, I may not be able to do what I currently doing for her.

I'm here momma...