Trying not to give up...

It's crazy how I was just thrown into being a caregiver for my mother.  What I mean is, while in the hospital, they informed me of her condition, with no time to process, because they needed to know if she will go home or to a facility (at the time I didn't know what that meant). Then they informed me that since she is medically stable, they will be releasing her and will need to know who will be staying with her? Wait! What? Staying with her? I automatically knew it would be me, but now I need to know for how long and I have a house of my own. And witnessing how she has been in the hospital, has it gone away now??

In my heart of hearts, I knew there is no cure for Dementia, but why my mother? Why live this long, to have such a cruel disease be the reason you will leave this earth, possibly not recognizing your family, not recognizing me!!

It has been 4 months since we found out what mother is going through. What I have experienced with her, has been very unsettling and most of all frighten for me. I have no clue when things, or I should say her mind will switch on me. When it does, it breaks my heart.

Take tonight, with the help and advice from a friend, who works as a caregiver, she schooled me on mother's behavior in this moment.  She and my brother gave me advice and I was a bit afraid to do it, but I got the courage. See, she goes to bed between 6 and 7pm, but tonight, her mind was so tired that confusion and hallucinations started,  along with angry, stubbornness and yelling, oh, let's not forget defiant too. This went on for 4 1/2 hours, so the issue was getting her to go to bed. But all she wanted to do is get her things and leave. She couldn't see she was home, nor see me as her daughter. I did as they both said, then my mother saw me and I was able to get her to go to bed.

Dementia is robbing me of my mother, my best friend.  Now I truly need the Lord to help me through this.  But I do thank Him for placing people in my life at the right time, because He knows I can't do this by myself.

Thank you Lord...