Last night...

I'm not sure how I feel with things going back to the beginning. What I mean is that lately, mom is having sundowning moments more frequently. I am doing a bit better with them now, compared to a year ago, but I truly hate them, and what she is going through with them.

I know there is no way to avoid it, but there are ways to minimize it. But that is difficult at times with her, because when it comes to redirecting her, it may only last for a moment, if that long or if I can redirect her. I have learned during this past year, my mother is a very stubborn person and once her mind is made up, there is no way of changing it. So when sundowning hits, you can only imagine what I am going through with her.

One thing I can say about these moments is that, I hardly call my brother now for help. Back then I would be totally beside myself in a panic and not able to control my emotions. I still have issues with my emotions, but I'm learning how to keep them in check better, however there are times when it gets to, but I do my best to reel it back in. So now, once it's settles down and she's in bed, I update my brother then.

Now that I don't have the support that I thought I would have, I got to get a grip on my emotions and protect my mental health. I can not and will not allow this illness to mess with my mind, for I would be no good when it comes to caring for my mother. But I am grateful to those who will allow me to vent, and the few that are willing to be with her when I have important things to do, but I do my best to space that out, so I don't run them off.

Dementia sucks...