Most wonder why I don't take her to church. They don't know I have canceled appointments last mintue or wait until she's gone to bed to make phone calls. All of it is because she doesn't see me, her daughter, first thing in the mornings and this can going on throughout the day. So because of not recognizing me, she refuses to go with me, because I'm not her "Nita". Yes, she knows "Nita" will be taking her somewhere that day, since she doesn't see me in those moments, she starts panicking, and go in search for me throughout the house. I am at a loss, for nothing I say or try to do will calm her.
Yes, this too is heartbreaking, but this is my reality of living with Dementia. Trust me, she can still entertain company, whether she sees me or not. But I've notice the switch back can happens during visits too.
That day, I am sitting in another room for awhile, praying that when I join her, the visual will change. If not, I have to be careful of what I say and how I move around her until it does changes back.
God is still working on me and my impatience ways and I'm getting a bit better with it, for I have too, or I will be no good for her or myself. I had a brief meltdown recently and I walked away from her. Part of the roller-coaster is saying certain things repeatedly. I do my best to give her answers she will accept. But with my mother, I can't use the same answers either, for she remembers what I have told her, and reminds me I said that before and then situation intensify after.
I know her mind is compromise, and one would think she will not remember what has been said, but she does and often. It's so frustrating and I allow it to get to me. There is a lot of work within me, I need to do and I do know, I need God to help me more and more everyday.
One good thing did happen the day of the meltdown, once she got to talk to her grandson (my son), she calmed down a lot and the rest of the day was much better.
🤦🏾♀️life...
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