Say NO one more time...

It has been a rough month. Yes I know I say this pretty much all the time. But there are two things I am so tired of hearing..."I want to go home" and "no"! Why ask me who did this, that or ther other, and I tell you it was you, because your mind doesn't remember and you tell me "noooo", grrrrrrrrrr 🤬

My mind is not fully programmed enough to not react or answer questions/comments that a normal person would ask. Dementia brains do not function properly and never will. Granted there will be moments where their old selves will emerge, and we need to enjoy those moments when they appear, but once there gone, we now have to be careful of how we handle them. This is where I am still learning how to do.

I am there for everything with my mother and doing my best to be quiet, not react to things she maybe doing. There are moments where I have to step in to keep her from hurting herself.  However, I have never hated a word so much like I do now. And I need to get a grip of my reaction to it and other things.

You know, we all want to be able to just be ourselves around our love ones and others, and yet, this ugly diseases will have you lying to them,  just to have some peace. And I hate having to lie to my mother. 

Once before she finally went to bed, she left a semi mess in the dinning room. Instead of me putting things away, I left everything where she left it. So the next morning, she saw it and told me how she found her shoes on her recliner and asked me who did that. I told her how she left the room the way it was. And you can guess what her response was...."nooo, somebody else did it". 

Unfortunately I kind of lost it and had to walk away. That's what I hate the most, I have to walk away before I disrespect her. This new normal is going to make me crazy if I don't get hold of my emotions. Now I have to adapt to how her mind works and no, I don't want too, but I got to stop fighting it, but how?


Screw this!....