But it's the past...

I knew my mother worried a lot, but I didn't know the depth of it until recently.  Not only worrying, but fear of losing things or something happening, has a grip on her too. Recently, I come to learn she been holding onto resentment for over 60 years! Thing is, it was because she had no say so in a situation back then. Granted, it was a good thing all around, but for her, she felt disrespected, and I get that. But now, it has affected her mental health and now it is called Dementia.

All the working, stressing, anger, etc, really does a number on our physical and mental health. It is the reason we live with so many different illnesses.  Me, I currently live with diabetes.  Now I have learned it was not because I ate a lot of sweets (which I did), it was because of a lot of carbohydrates in my diet and my portion size as well. We don't learn, until it's to late, that carbs turn into sugar within our bodies, majority of the time, it's bad carbs. So now, I do my best to downsize what I eat. I also am working on not allowing stress to consume me. 

Only a few knew what I was going through in my marriage back in the day. But once the dust settled, I asked the Lord to forgive me. Why? Because I married someone that He did not want me to marry. Yes, God gave me a warning, and I ignored it, because I didn't recognize it as a warning. So I lived in hell for 2 years. Our bodies will give us warning signs as well, but we ignore them, because we want what we want, or fear has a vise grip on our mind.

When my mother start sundowning, the same things come up during that time. I see and hear a lot of fear coming from her and no matter what I say or try to do to help her, she let me know that I know nothing and I am during her wrong. Yeah, it hurts to hear her say those things, but I try to remember it is the disease, but on the other hand....is it? Our past can really do a number on our mental selves. We got to learn how to let it go, and change for the better.

Love hurts...