Living Nightmare...

I have had a few nightmares in my life, both during the day and at night.  But living with someone going through dementia, is worst. Why? Because you don't know what is coming your way, the good, the bad and the ugly. Trust me, all 3 can appear at once and at any giving time.

We have had our own mood swings, and pretty much be able to change it or go lay down. But now after 7 months, I come to learn, it's not the case with a mind being destroyed by a disease, especially one that has no known cure. 

Now that I know what will dictate how the day will go, I tried to head it off before it happens.  One thing I have come to learn, my mother needs a 2 hour nap, in order to let her mind rest and reset. Anything less, yes, it is a nightmare.  And today, there was no nap. We were back to "I want to go home". Like the other day, I asked her, where do she think she is. Today she didn't know. Yes, it got to the level that pushes me to a breaking point.  I find myself yelling, screaming and more at my mother. Do I feel bad afterwards,  most times no! I know that isn't good, but when you have a person yelling at you and don't know who you are, it hurts!!

This went on until she settled down a bit. When she finally decided to go to bed, that's when I realized, she wasn't seeing me as her daughter. I have such a hard time getting pass that!  I don't like scary movies, but this is one that I need it to end. 

My life is not my own...