It's always something...

Mom started a new way to take a current medication.  It is much easier, but of course, it takes a bit longer for the new dose to get into her system.  So with that being said, she started the medication a week ago and of course things had been out of whack.

Sunday, she was up for 20 hours, and so was I.  Worst part, she pretty much stayed in a state of confusion that day, and I was exhausted to the point that all I did was cry that day.

So at one point, I said screw it. I went to bed and left her sitting up downstairs. Now don't get it twisted, I do have a couple of cameras to monitor her.  Of course once she went to bed, I had to go back down and redo what she undid.

Thank God for the online support group on social media, for now I don't feel all alone with some of the things I been going through with her.  I'm learning a lot of her behavior is a normal thing. Like saying how she wants to go home. Mind you, we are home, but learning it could be where she is in her mind in those moments. Like she maybe in a younger period of time in her mind. Or, and I did think this, because of the lack of company from family, and she has said this, that her family doesn't know where she is and probably looking for her.

I am also learning that the family member who is caring for their love one, is doing it pretty much alone. And some in the group have been doing it for years. They call Dementia "the long good bye".  I truly hate, and I try not to use that word, but I hate what it is doing to her.  No I don't have a life, but when I look back, I haven't had a life for years, due to the fact that my mother would be worrying about me, when I am out, especially at night. It gotten to the point, if she didn't hear from me before a certain time, she would call my cell looking for me. I believe this was the beginning of the deterioration of her mind...worrying and stressing.  It got to the point where I just stop going anywhere. But she still worried.

And even now with the Dementia, she still have the nerve to worry. If only I could get her to relax, it wouldn't be so hard for her, and for me. But we are beyond that stage.....

The long goodbye...