Lately it has been something everyday, that has pushed me to a breaking point. I seem to have a total meltdown every other day! This thing is to hard to take. But I realize now, what I can't take, is what it is doing to my momma!!
I am tired, tired of crying, tired of not getting enough sleep, tired of worrying and waiting for a episode to happen, just out right TIRED!!!!
If I was giving a chance to think about taking care of my mother this way, I would have said, "get somebody else to do it", and walk away. But I didn't get that chance at all.
I made a decision to leave my job about 13 years ago, because of what the 12 hour nights for a year did to my health. Now, I'm not working nights, but this is far worst. Being here for her in my mind was taking her to appointments, hanging out here and there, laughing..joking..and just enjoying life. Granted, it was 12 and a half years of that, but never would I have thought it would change so drastically!
I can not begin to understand why my mother, and why God would allow this to happen to her. Today was so stressful, and majority of the time, there is no one available to help me with her. Tonight a friend reminded me that God has me in this place for a reason. What I need to do in those moments when no one can be there, is to walk away and go to God in prayer for the help and strength I need to get through those moments.
"Heavenly Father, I am only human and so weak. I need your guidance to get through the tough and chaotic times with my mother. Lord if it be your will, lessen those moments, give us more calm and peaceful times. But please, if I must go through this,, give me the strength and wisdom to handle and do what needs to be done, to help my mother in the best way possible, in Jesus name, Amen"
Strength and Patience...
Welcome to Café Sixty! I will share with you, my inner thoughts about life during my sixties and more. I will be as transparent as I possibly can, and if you feel the way I do at times, please comment, so I know there are others like me.
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